This is our interpretation of the grade 12 provincial exam in British Columbia, Canada. As you may know, all high school graduates in the province are required to write this exam. The format is the same but some artistic licence has been taken with the questions. Enjoy.

				

Siobhan's+ Katie's ENGLISH EXAM:

A -Editing Skills
What is wrong with the following sentaces:

	1. I am.
	a) To meny comas 		b)Increct qwotation marx
	d)mekes no sence to me 	c)i donno

	2. The dog ate the bone.
	a) sntacks 	b) to meny metaphores
	c( Stuff i gess 	d) no periods are in the sentice

	3. i WAS WHO IA M VICARIOUSLY.
	a) puntation	b)Rachel no like
	c) spllin		d)evrtyging	

	4. I aint nothing not never nor all
	a) I give up	b) I have no idea
	c) um		d) nutin


B-Reading compriention

	iuegaehsduifhsdhfsk;djhfkls;adklfjslk.  adsl;fjdskljfkla;jflaksdjfmv., sdajf jdfkalsjf
wi23rjcM!Q!
	sdakjfh iewri mvvi oeeo ,cdls;kfo  ldsfa';ocv,e I843590 sdjfa;ljf$&*(* jk*&^(*J&^DJJSAdjf
dsjfdf
fkdsjfjjdk^(*^*$*)(*)#@@!#%^^(sjf8636521%@$@*$(_kjdfndlvjdjfjsdkfsddlslfsdkfieurjg76&^*($fmE
WYRFEWF*w75432ujrsmd8f6723rkejfijsdfks
**=
dlsfkja**^#+)(^_+++"{}{eirpodfk`22`~
!!	
!?

1) Does the author
	a) Feel the United States dominates Canada
	b)Think the Shuttle is obsolete
	c)Thin Euthanasia is a bad ting
	c) Like tha Canuckd

2) Give two examples of iron-y in the passage and explain how they relate to the ongoing struggle
between good and eivl.

C-Poetry

	Eudora Curling Match - margaret Atwood

Wah!
Yah!
wabawubbawubbawubba
No! Yes!
Falling falling Ash falling
Her feet make sad statements she thinks no one can hear.
Where;s the damn bedpans?
Yelling too loud
Ah! My werewolf hand!
I fall backwars! Luke!
i AM YOUR FATHER!
tHE UPPERCANADIAN IS BORD.

1) Is this poem
	a) a sonnet
	b) written in blank verse
	c) an ode
	d) an elegy

2) What is the speaker's mood?
	a) disallusioned
	b) indifferent
	c) thoughtfull
	d) suicidal

3) which of the following literary devices is used on line 3:
	a) allusion
	b) apostrophe
	c) figuratinve stuff
	d) personification

4) in paragraphy form, give TWO examples of irony and explain how they relate to the brooding
darkness that dwells in the heart of mankind.

5) Illustrate a conflict that occurs in this peom.  Use only pencil or pencil crayons.

D- Prose


		Aniamd - Fred Couples

	Jack saw the ball. jill saw the ball. Run Spot run!

1) Whatt is Jack's attitude to Spot at the end of the story?
	a) Aware of his growing independence
	b) Jealoiuse of his youth and vigor
	c) Feels ignored and abandoned by Jill
	d) Angry at the pink elephants.

2) How does this story relate to Margaret Atwood' s poem: The Zoo Filled with Carrots
	a) similar subject
	b) more carrots
	c) wubbawubbawubbawubba
	d) Raskolnikov's fear of isolation is more clearly expressed in the portrayal of Spot.

3) In paragraphy form write a poem expressing your feelings on the indifference of life to the
suffering of other dead things. Quote 4 examples from the story, each example must be different
and at least one sentance long.  Cannot include the words: dead, Jack, Jill, Spot, poem, saw, ball,
or life.

4) Explain the differance between a Shakesperian, Petrachian and Itallian sonnet in sonnet form.
Each sonnet should also include your thougts on life. Do not use Paragraphy form. Write in Italian,
backwards. Remove all vowels from your composition. Marks will be awarded on the qualitiy of
your written expression. remember: If you make one mistake, you fail.

E- Composition
 Write a multi-paragraphy composition on the following topic:

			"*9836%^*(#@%$^773"

Confine your answer to the topic! Do not go off topic! Write at least 500 words and include 8
examples from literature,history, and your own experience.

END OF EXAMINATION

Go back to start. Do not collect 200.
Write in Greek .
Remember: if this exam was not written in Greek we will not be able to read it and you will get
ZERO! ZERO! ZERO! (000) Check to make sure that your Italian sonnet has a Greek translation.

Hint: Grecian Sonnet Form

abab agsu eirgrk otritit i6j69i titmrn '''' abababa.

Should also include an invocation to the Muse (who probably also speaks Greek) and some
comment on your failures and personal disappointments during this examination. Remember, this
exam is supposed to be a GROWTH EXPERIANCE. If you fail you will not get into university and
will end up in a dead end job but this is also a GROWTH EXPERIANCE and is therefore okay. 

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