Terry Prachett Quotes

Many an ancient lord's last words had been, "You can't kill me because I've got magic aaargh."
-- Magic armour is not all it's cracked up to be. (Terry Pratchett, Interesting Times)

I accuse the High Priest of the Green Robe in the library with the double-handed axe.

Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.
-- (Terry Pratchett, Interesting Times)

The class was learning about some revolt in which some peasants had wanted to stop being peasants and, since the nobles had won, had stopped being peasants really quickly.
-- (Terry Pratchett, Soul Music)

The Battle of Koom Valley is the only one known to history where both sides ambushed each other.
-- (Terry Pratchett, Men At Arms)

The river Ankh is probably the only river in the universe on which the investigators can chalk the outline of the corpse.
-- (Terry Pratchett, Men At Arms)

The maze was so small that people got lost looking for it.
-- Bloody Stupid Johnson at his finest (Terry Pratchett, Men At Arms)

"You can't second-guess ineffability, I always say."
-- (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)

"You see a wile, you thwart. Am I right?"
-- Crowley the demon and Aziraphale the angel in conversation (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)

People who are rather more than six feet tall and nearly as broad across the shoulders often have uneventful journeys. People jump out at them from behind rocks then say things like, "Oh. Sorry. I thought you were someone else."
-- Carrot travels to Ankh-Morpork (Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!)

Thunder rolled. ... It rolled a six.
-- (Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!)

- "What're quantum mechanics?" - "I don't know. People who repair quantums, I suppose."
-- (Terry Pratchett, Eric)

Bad spelling can be lethal. For example, the greedy Seriph of Al-Yabi was cursed by a badly-educated deity and for some days everything he touched turned to Glod, which happened to be the name of a small dwarf from a mountain community hundreds of miles away who found himself magically dragged to the kingdom and relentlessly duplicated. Some two thousand Glods later the spell wore off. These days, the people of Al-Yabi are renowned for being remarkably short and bad-tempered.
-- (Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad)

Greebo's technique was unscientific and wouldn't have stood a chance against any decent swordmanship, but on his side was the fact that it is almost impossible to develop decent swordmanship when you seem to have run into a food mixer that is biting your ear off.
-- (Terry Pratchett, Witches Abroad)

"It's going to look pretty good, then, isn't it," said War testily, "the One Horseman and Three Pedestrians of the Apocralypse."
-- The Four Horsemen of the Apocralypse encounter unexpected difficulties (Terry Pratchett,Sourcery)